The Forgotten Side of Reality
by LiaLizzie
Summary: What happens when a bumbling villain decides to take over Middle Earth? Will the reunited fellowship stop the half wit while dealing with their own problems as well? Not written by Lia Lizzie! By:LazyJennBamboo


**Disclaimer:** I don't own it. I don't even own the Mary Sues.  Oh! But The Vile Creature _is_ mine so there! Ha.

Alrighty, I've never posted a fanfic before, so I hope this is good and you all like it! It kind of pokes a little good humor at Mary Sues, Slash, and other odd balls we all find on FF.Net. If you happen to take offense to the story, well, sorry! Just don't take it seriously! Ok, now for my opening entrance-!!!

The Forgotten Side of Reality 

In the season of spring birds chirped their happy little ditties, Elves sang out in their fair voices, horses galloped in the green fields of Rohan, Hobbits feasted on any kind of food they pleased, Orcs...well, that's a bit different. ANYWAY, none of that sunshine reached the dark, cold dampness of a cave belonging to a certain Vile Creature.

            He was hunched over a piece of paper he MUST have gotten from…we'll say, if you prefer, Mary Sue#156 by killing and stealing her belongings.  So here he was now, thinking of what he might put down that could seem at least a _little_ threatening.  His face contorted (more, remember he's ugly-like an orc!) when he tried to think. What should he put down? He thought about it and in his head he began to form a few.._ YOU WIL DIE! _ No no no, that was way too straight forward. _THE FELLOWSHIP WILL DIE AND I, THE VILE CREATURE WILL RULE FOR ETERNITY! _That was better, but still not good enough. The Vile Creature growled low in frustration. Besides, he thought, he wasn't even going to live forever, but HE wasn't about to admit something like that! How was he supposed to write a demonic message that wasn't corny?  _Aha!! _He got it! He leaned over once more and began to scribble down his message. His twisted mouth spread into a twisted grin and he leaned back, slipping on some headphones and turning on the Radio(he miraculously learned how) he tuned in to 91.7 Classical, even though Radio Control towers had never been built in Middle Earth. The Vile Creature felt the cold hard stone of the Cavern wall under him and once more grinned…this was going to be fun.

*          *            *            *

            Legolas Greenleaf, the normally calm, passive Elf was almost at a loss and nearly panicking.  A group of Mirkwood soldiers were journeying to the southern edge of Mirkwood.  They were determined to ride to the southern border, see off their Prince, turn back and go home. Yet now they were stopped, waiting for said Elf to make his decision. Left of Right?  Both led out of Mirkwood but being an Elf, Legolas knew what awaited them should they take Left or Right.  The right path held about fifty orcs that may have even had Wargs. To the left…Illuvatar he couldn't think!  He began to count in his mind. Okay, the last one must have been Mary Sue#155 so the left path must hold…dear Eru, he didn't want to go down that way!  Gathering up his jumbled thoughts and soldiers, the powerful Mirkwood Elves sped lightly and stealthily down the right path.

*          *            *            *

            No matter how hard he tried Aragorn couldn't wipe off that confused look upon his face.  Most anything could be handled by King Elessar knowing exactly what to do and in what fashion to do it in.  However try as he might, he was positive he scanned every room ever built in Minas Tirith without ever finding his Elven queen and love, Arwen.  "Now where could she have gone…?" he muttered in confusion to himself. He began to walk back to the dining hall where his visiting friends were munching happily on various foods. He had almost given up until he saw an old servant woman with various fabrics of all colors under her arm. Maybe she knew where Arwen was, he thought. 

            He stopped her, " I am searching for my Lady Arwen. Have you not seen her whereabouts recently?" he asked hopefully and with a hint of a King's authority to know in his voice.

            Any authority or kingliness in his eyes were quickly wiped away though when the old woman looked at him with a face easily saying 'Are you stupid?' then proceeded to walk away, finish her task and leave a dumbfounded king behind where he stood.  Were servants supposed to ignore their king in such a manner? Elessar was sure that it didn't normally happen.  Oh well, back to the dining hall.

*          *            *            *

            The wind whipped forcefully through his hair as rode a great steed heading in the direction of Minas Tirith. He could feel the air hit and chill his skin and he involuntarily squinted his eyes against the invisible force.  He was very determined to reach the destination before nightfall. Of course he was determined as the trait ran through his blood thickly. Forcing his eyes to remain open, he scanned his surroundings for anything that could possibly hinder the journey to visit his old friend, and now King of Gondor.  He closed his eyes again when the horse jumped slightly, rocking his rider. He let out a very low grumble for Gimli the dwarf did _not_ like horses. Nothing could have released the death grip he had on the poor animal. Not even if Morgoth himself had aimed his dark sword to lop off the son of Gloin's stubby hands.  

            Gimli couldn't help but put blame on the King of Rohan for his predicament.  Eomer wouldn't hear of Gimli leaving Rohan without a horse to boost his traveling speed and he not so quickly persuaded the stubborn dwarf to ride a horse. Poor Gimli would be in for a long haul to Minas Tirith, especially as every single bump opened his trap for more curses, grumbles, and other gestures. One thing was sure- he would undoubtedly murder Eomer.

*          *            *            *

            "Gosh it's good to be here visitin' Aragorn again!" exclaimed Pippin over a full plate of food with assortments of meat, wine, mushrooms, and potatoes and almost anything you wouldn't expect to find sitting next to each other on a plate.

            "Aye, you said it alright, Pip! This food makes my stomach smile." Said Merry while patting his full, protruding stomach and leaning back in his chair, a wide grin spreading from ear to ear. "Frodo, why didn't Sam come with us?"

            Frodo, before replying, tried to peak over a rather large bowl of apples. Being short had little advantages in the world of men, he noted. "Well, I believe he wanted to stay with Rosie and his little ones. You know, they are still very small." Frodo stated with a thoughtful expression.

            It was that moment Aragorn strolled into the room with an almost elven gracefulness and smiled "how are you enjoying yourselves? Everything seems to be going well."  He was given all happy, smiling nods from the three.  "I apologize, I cannot seem to find Arwen." He sighed and sat down at the end of the large table. "It's as if she just disappeared…" he trailed off in thought of where his wife would be.

            "O' course she's not around!" piped up Pippin, who may have been a bit tipsy from the wine.  Aragorn's head snapped up and fixed his gaze on Pippin, urging him to continue. Pippin sighed and, noticing the questioning looks from Merry and Frodo, he continued. "All o' us here are shaped by other people in o' these…errr…stories, see? But sometimes, they make us out all wrong." He stopped and looked at them as if he were dealing with children. Seeing their still puzzled faces, Pippin went on. "Well, I guess and example could be those darn girls that keep poppin' up everywhere. I think they call em' selves Mary? They hang around Legolas all the time?" Aragorn's eyes lit up in recognition. He was finally beginning to understand Pippin.

            It was Merry who spoke first. " So you mean that that's why Frodo is still here so long after the war of the ring? And why Elrond is still in Rivendale?"

            "Riven_dell." _Aragorn corrected sharply. He'd seen enough 'Rivendales' to last him a lifetime.

            "_Rivendell"_ Merry continued " and is this also why Galadriel is still in Lothlorien?" Pippin gave quick nods and smiled as though he accomplished teaching a lesson.

            "But Pippin…how does this explain Arwen's disappearance?" asked Aragorn, eager to know where and why.

            At this question, Pippin's face had gone quite blank for a moment. Then he spoke with a hint of fear or nervousness, "Aragorn…isn't this a slash? You know Arwen is almost never around during a slash!"

            At this, it was Aragorn's turn to go blank. He swept his eyes over Merry and Frodo, they were just as unknowing as he. "what is a slash?"

            This time Pippin's nervousness couldn't be mistaken. His eyes moved around and he jumped out of his large seat and shuffled over to wear Aragorn sat a few feet away. The small hobbit calmly began to explain into Aragorn's ear.

            Merry and Frodo exchanged quick glances and leaned towards the man and hobbit to listen in on the private explanation. They both also jumped at the same time when The King Elessar suddenly stood, nearly knocking his chair backwards. His expression was that of a very shocked and frantic mortal.  "This is insane!" he began to shout. "Completely untrue! Those are lies! How could someone _think _such an absured idea! We're _friends_!! I love Arwen!" His breathing also sped up a bit.

            "Really!" shouted Pippin in realization, "well then you had better go make sure the author knows that!" And Pip sat down again, quite calm.

            "Yes" Aragorn began to mumble. "I I have to find Arwen and _fast_." And with that the king took off out of the room at an unusually fast pace leaving Pippin, two bewildered Hobbits, and an awkward silence.

            "umm, Pip, what did you say to him just now?" Asked Merry, clearly not at an understanding. 

            "Yes," offered Frodo, "And since when did you become so…smart?"


End file.
